« Un-dressing »

I sure hope its not true that things happen in threes. Or else I will need a few bath towels to clean up.

Last night I was fetching a large bottle of balsamic vinaigrette dressing from a top shelf at home—one that was a bit of a stretch for me. It was stacked on its side on top of a couple others similarly stacked. I fumbled it from that height and it crashed down on the sink counter, blowing off its plastic lid (the top cracked off entirely) and spewing its oily substance all over the counter, but it hit with such force that a lot of it became decoration for the wall across the room, the fridge, the cutting table, and the stove too. The floor was turned into an oil slick above all. But since it was right next to me, it was like a bath of the stuff while being dressed. Ick. A torrent of obscenities was all I could muster, leaving Kelli to jump up as if it had been an actual emergency because she didn't really know what happened. She dutifully left her dinner and we set about cleaning up this domestic Exxon Valdez incident. Paper towels in hand, and a bucket of soapy water helped, as did cobbling together some more nasty-dirty fabric stuff that would make a good wash.

Then, because that wasn't good enough, there was an encore today at work. I had two gallons of blue cheese dressing to take to a sports bar. The shop was short on crates and good boxes so I grabbed one that was good enough. Better to use a bad box than to try to grip two jugs of this stuff, I thought. So I got to the place, box under my arm. All was going well till the box broke open at one end and let one gallon of that goopy stuff fall to the concrete floor just as I turn toward the customer area. Exploding dressing jug aside, it sort of bruised my ego that I was only able to successfully deliver only 50% of my order to a guy who is sort of cranky and short of small talk. But it went okay. He quickly got me a fistful of towels to go clean it up on my own. For those who will need to know this stuff, it takes a lot of towels to sop up half a gallon of thick oozing dressing. (I used eight just to get it off the floor, never mind actually cleaning the residue.)

I ended up having to deliver the replacement. This one I put in a crate and protected it like a baby.

I was thinking on the way out, none of this would happen in outer space.

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