« Rich Broads And Their SUVs »

Here I will convey some encounters from the gigging life as a driver/distribution professional.

Figure A: OPEC Lady

One day I was wearing a shirt that was given to me in the height of my peak oil awareness days. It boldly emulates the well known "I [heart] New York" shirts and stickers, but instead of loving New York, it proclaims love for OPEC. As I leave work some days, I make a late run to FedEx just before they close. The last minute rush of getting stuff to FedEx leaves me a little forgetful of what I am actually wearing, so when some lady stopped me in the driveway of the drop off site, and asked to know if I really loved OPEC. I was caught a little off guard and stammered that it was just a shirt. She pressed me to tell her where she could get a shirt. Now this is a 60ish lady driving a hugely expensive SUV of some sort—Land Rover or something in the too-rich-for-my-blood category. She didn't really seem to share my sarcastic take on things. Anyhow, I was mildly amused that anyone bothered to comment on the shirt. But when I went in to the shop, the guys at the counter were chuckling a bit at the shirt. One asked me what the woman had said in the driveway. They were amused then told me that this lady was sort of annoying in her announcement that she was an heiress to one of the major oil companies, and that she was almost giddy in the rise of gas prices. Or, as she apparently relayed, "hey, that's just great for me! More money!" Okay, that is to be expected, I guess. Maybe a bit crass and blunt but not as piggish as what the guys told me next. They went on to say that she had the gall to protest the price hikes in FedEx's services! Waaahhhhhhhhhhhh. Cry me a fucking river, lady.

Figure B: La Jolla Lab Lover Lady

In another instance, while on an actual delivery in La Jolla to the corporate offices of a boutique restaurant mini-chain, I turned down a side street adjacent the building. I had to U-turn to actually score a green zone space that was one car length from the corner I had just turned at. I pulled up to the space but end up behind this big Toyota Land Cruiser (maybe Land Hogger would be more apt?) which to all appearances is at the limit line and ready to turn or go straight through the intersection. Since that part of La Jolla is always busy, crossing or turning would take a little while. So, with radio on and looking out and about for the entrance to the building, I sat there for a moment waiting for what would be her turn to go, and my turn to take a bit of space to parallel park in the space that I was aiming for, and was blocking at the moment. Then after what could not have been more than 15 seconds of this, this 50 something broad gets out and starts chewing my ass out for taking her space, and she's trying to back up. I try to tell her that I was working and had to park here, and she looked like she was turning or something at the intersection. She gestures that there is a space some ways down the street that would suit my small car. I told her, I am already at this space now. She makes a stink that she can't park her (admittedly) big SUV there herself. To which I am thinking of my long-simmering comeback to that sort of statement: if you can't maneuver this thing, why the hell did you buy it? I didn't say anything to that, but she was just on fire. She asked me if I was trying to be a jerk, then answered her own question by proclaiming I was one. Then she demanded to know who I worked for, and she poked her head around to see any logos, numbers and all that, which she clearly did. Then, she takes down my license plate number and gets on her phone. While occupied with that, I just went ahead and took the spot so I could make my delivery, and wished her to "have a nice day." What silliness. In the time it took to do her little song and dance, she could have circled the block a time or two. Anyhow, I take the walkie talkie into the office with me and on the way out, call my dispatcher to give him the story first before it blossoms into godknowswhat. When I came out, the lady had mostly blocked me in, and made some comment about how much fun she would have with all this. I walked by again, and she was still on the phone, and I again wished her to "have a nice day."

Then, when I got back, after fretting some that she would tell all sorts of fanciful tales, I was called into the office at work and the boss advised me to play it safe, not for the benefit of this lady, but because with the world being just too weird and small, that we can't risk one of these wackjobs (my word) being the client's wife, or something else like this. He did tell me though that it was these types of moments he sought to avoid when he decided to not have company signage on the cars. He did tell me that the woman had some concern about if I had gotten any information of hers and how I might use it. Too bad I was too clumsy on the phone camera to get her face and license plate here in one frame. Almost. Apparently she was a Labrador dog lover—enough to have a custom plate and frame. So, if you ever see a black Land Cruiser in La Jolla with an obvious Lab fetish, you know what to do.

What I didn't get a chance to do was tell her that Jesus loves her. Or to ask her instead, "Do you love Jesus?" or "Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your life to be your personal lord and savior?" If it doesn't actually silence such nonsense, it might at least "juke" them as my Subway buddy used to say way back when the movie Clerks defined our lives, and was mirrored in our own approaches to life.

PrintView Printer Friendly Version

Reader Comments

There are no comments for this journal entry. To create a new comment, use the form below.
Editor Permission Required
You must have editing permission for this entry in order to post comments.