« Hell? »

They say that in hell, the damned are condemned to do the same thing over and over for all eternity, while not ever learning another way or coming to true understanding of their place in the scheme of things.

Well, it's with mixed feelings that I reassemble parts of my studio, wiring things up again, even though I've done this sort of thing a handful of times in the last three years. In fact, it was about that long ago this week when I closed up my studio and took everything apart to symbolize the end of my involvement in all that. And for the most part, it has almost been just that. With the exception of the three tune fragments that Glenn and me recorded, hardly anything has come of the last three years. Sure, I've put things together and torn them apart in disgust a few times. Each time, I feel more and more distanced from either any ability to play, or even an ability to think in musical terms. When I am away from gear and studio environment, or at least not doing any music-related work, I have pipe dreams of picking up where I left off after I finished Receiving or one of the more complete things I've done since (Race To Judge, tracks with Glenn, the stuff I did with the quartet and trio, the Hog Heaven Holiday Theme Music). But then I just basically drop it all and go check my email. Glenn was the best collaboration partner in a long time who actually led to anything seeming to get done, but he's so busy with his life after last year's meltdown that it's a rare day when we even get to meet up.

I guess there just isn't any button to push or drug to take which would put me back in the manic recording mode I was in back in '98-2000. So far no amount of listening to Mike Keneally or King Crimson has jostled me to really try to do what I used to do. Bah. Time to sell all this shit and get my mind clear.

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