« Sustainable Kick In The Balls »

Now don't take this the wrong way. I am not actually soliciting a kick in the nads but this business of hunting for work seems like a protracted knee to the balls. It might as well be. I don't think it's in human nature to go seeking the sundry forms of rejection that can be experienced whilst sending resumes and making phone calls and all the other forms of soul-baring and supplication to powers that could barely give a shit about who they hire, as long as they become a cash cow for the company. Sorry, I don't play that game too well. Kelli has been helping to brace me up for this task, but I just despise it so much. I just find myself fixing one of the websites I am responsible for, or scheduling music time with Glenn, or taking a nap, or maybe reading about the coming fall of industrial civilization (which I find more intriguing than looking for work). Anything is a good thing to distract me from the job search. I've scoured the ads on Craig's List and the SD Reader Backpage sites, and none of it really suits me, or is somehow over my qualifications, which I guess are more than I give myself credit for, but not necessarily stellar in any case. I'm in a wierd spot; I'm sort of smart, but I have no degree of any sort, least of all a BA. I have some practical experience in some things but not a lot of it is documented or particularly outstanding. Right now I'd rather be a book reading, music making, polemic writing, image twisting creative soul who goes and talks about culture and politics with people, and serves people. Where do I get a job doing that?

When you are of the mind that the global industrial civilization is in a position of near collapse due to its own size and weight, it is hard to want to sign up for a web design job for a hot new company. Or now I have severe reservations about taking driving jobs that aid needless commerce (and really frustrate me). I am not particularly enamored with returning to doing live sound, and one of my main contacts gave me a negative on that count anyway.

I spend my days ruminating on post industrial life and what that might entail, and whether I am ready for such a thing. Basically, I keep coming up with a "no." Most people find it a far fetched idea that we could be making our way to a third world way of life, but really our first world way of life is hanging by a thread now. I find myself looking at websites on culture change and intentional communities, and other sources of info that deal with the related issues. My drive to northern California with Kelli was soul refreshing for the week it lasted, and I think more and more about running off and leaving so-called civilized life. I can't help it; I feel anachronistic. The rest of the world wants to charge ahead with biggerbetterfastermoregreaterbest and I want to savor a wide ranging variety of things that constitute actually living. I'm moving backwards as the world moves forwards, but I think of my motion as just getting a head start on what the world will have to do eventually, within the next couple of decades, if not sooner. And I sort of envy the hardy souls who have already made the steps to ease themselves out of the modern life in favor of simpler structures and more fulfilling ways to spend time, quite possibly in pursuits that actually serve a human purpose. There are a lot of things I have never done, and its hard to tell what I should be doing. I'm not certain milking a cow is the right thing for me, but maybe doing something with my hands would be. I just feel that doing a job search is more than a pointless pursuit now, it feels like it is a hinderance when it seems I should be absorbing as much as I can of practical skills and knowledge. In a world transitioning away from abundances in food and energy, and looking at a population crash of dramatic proportions, the people who stand the best chance of getting by wherever they go are the ones with practical skills. Or, as it was posed in one article: some are more useful alive, and some are more useful dead (if they cannot contribute meaningfully but are taking their share of precious resources). It's grim, but it can motivate one to become more rounded. I'll bet there won't be a gig for a web designer or a soundman in a world that has to scramble to find a way to grow food in the vacuous absence of major agribusiness and supermarket chains.

I don't know if running off to join a community is the right thing to do now, but it makes better sense to me than ever, given that one day, some of those living arrangements will be the norm again, and not the exception. The first community I wanted to check out was Robert Fripp's Guitar Craft course, which is only a week long, but takes on some profound notions of a more purposeful life, as seen through the lens of a perfected technique on acoustic guitar. My little stay at Halcyon was a semi-voluntary excursion into communal living, but enough to see how it makes sense. I left there feeling more in control of my life than ever before. I almost want to go back so I can refocus, maybe sans suicidal depression. I don't know though if I am ready to totally change over to an intentional community, but a good year at one might really ease any transition that would otherwise be jarring and destructive.

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