Saturday
Jul242004

« Wedding Plans »

In all the patriotic and leftist fervor that has been well documented this last few weeks, I guess I have sort of neglected to say much about what Kelli and I are up to. Our wedding is in just five weeks or so. It is being held at our church, the one my grandmother was a founding member, and one that both of us were born into, and usually have been a part of in one way or another. We have sent out our invitations recently and have been getting some RSVPs and a trickle of financial assistance. We have a few lingering things to plan. We are pretty much doing this on our own dime, with no particularly significant pledges from anyone, including family. So far my dad has been a total party pooper, electing to not support it at all for his own messed up reasons. My mom thinks of me like I am a dead person, so she isn't even going to get invited. Kelli's dad is dead. Ditto her step-dad. Her mom is the only parent left to be supportive in any way, but she doesn't really pack too much of a financial punch. Not that we should expect that to be the case. But all this does pretty much put it on our own shoulders. So we have chosen to go pretty inexpensive, and not go into debt, though there may be a pinch in the coming weeks because we are paying our caterer in cash, but about $800 less than if it were his bill on our credit cards. We have reserved our cake and flowers. We have our rings, and it was sort of a fluke how we chose them. We found them from an independent maker (details on request), and our invitations are homespun; I did the design and we printed them at Costco. Hey, I would love to spend some real money on things, but you know, some things just seemed canned, and expensive for the sake of being expensive. I used to work production for bands at some huge high ticket weddings for rich bastards all over the southwest. I think people do those weddings to impress someone else, but among us in the various crews, we would take bets at how long these high ticket weddings would last. The more money involved, the shorter we gambled. Of course we gambled for the sodas and sandwiches backstage, but nonetheless, we are a cynical bunch.

I need to figure out what the reception music will be. I hate the idea of having a DJ (it comes from being a musician snob), so I have been dabbling with the idea of taking the computer down there with a load of mp3s and running it through a small sound system that I can borrow from Mitch Grant (my primary contact in the sound reinforcement world). Two musician contacts from my earlier life either proclaimed a total disdain for playing weddings or just simply priced themselves out of work. Rockola wanted $2000 for a show that I would have provided total backline for (drums, bass rig, guitar rigs). I say fuck that, I worked hard for those dudes and took a lot of shit. They can do better than that if I am providing gear. The other act was a piano trio that a musician acquaintance runs, but between saying he hated wedding gigs and leading me on to think he'd be my best man, then cancelling a few days later, then returning three weeks later to ask if I still needed help, I just didn't give a shit. He's invited, but after all the tech help I gave for free, I had hoped for at least some sort of back scratch in return.

I need to nail down my tux details and make that order, but I am holding out to see if Kelli is getting another bridesmaid so I know if there will need to be another groomsman. Right now it may only be one of each, for some odd confluence of reasons. Oh well.

We are planning to write some elements of our own ceremony, but the vows themselves are okay as they were given to us. Seeing that our relationship with that church is central to us, there may be some anecdotes included that will add to the usual series of events. Many but not all of the guests will know us from church, but many won't actually have some of this perspective on us, even as much as they might think they have.

We have been going to counseling for eight months or so now, and even though there are those times when we go out of there seemingly no better than we went in, there has been progress. We got engaged in February, a few months after the early days of counseling started to convince me that we could do this. I'm not kidding myself, I don't think this is a ticket to a white picket fence life; I just find that I like Kelli's presence in daily life, as someone to do really mundane things with, like shopping, or reading in the same room, or biking around the bay, or just talking. For me, an only child raised by one parent after the age of nine, and a guy who generally wasn't a big socializer, she is just the piece that helps the puzzle be that much more complete. We both have responsibilities in the church (she is the dir. of Xtian Ed. and I am a trustee, along with being the web designer and audio archivist), and we both work in related fields of senior service, both are frustrated artists in transition, both fond of education for its own sake, and both are well, sort of RADICAL (read the entry called "the Fall" to find out how radical I am, LOL). What can I say? We suit each other and don't have absurd expectations of each other. And she likes Jethro Tull! What could be better? She drives a 12 year old second-hand Saturn and I drive a ten year old second hand Toyota pup that gets washed once a year. We wear torn jeans and faded shirts. She can tolerate my pig thing, and is actually the biggest backer—she got me two cute ceramic pigs two days before we go engaged! Coincidence? Maybe not.

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